St. Pat's Day - Pumpkin Style

I've been traveling a lot over the last year. This year, I was gone on St. Patrick's Day. I missed the corned beef, the Irish beer, the shot of whiskey. (Of course, I was out of town with a client. Who. Doesn't. Drink.)

But more than all that, I missed this:

I'm Home!

After being away for five whole days on a business trip, I'm finally home!

Why being home rocks:

• G was so patient with Pumpkin and potty training. I guess I needed some time away to regroup my thoughts on the subject, but we only had two accidents all weekend!


• Sleeping in my own bed, with my own pillows and my own blankets. Heaven!


• Being back on central time - pacific time was nice, but dude, it totally wiped me out.


• Getting to drive my own car. The rental place hooked me up with a massive SUV (they were "out" of sedans), which I couldn't park, didn't know where the blind spots were, and didn't feel comfortable in. It did come in handy, though, for escorting clients to dinner on Tuesday night (thanks, third row seats).


• Having P wake me up by saying, "It's o'clock, mommy! Time to get up! It's o'clock!"


• Catching up on TiVo'd shows. There wasn't any time for TV watching while away, and while I don't watch too many shows, I did miss those I do watch every week.


• Wet kisses and warm hugs by this little guy:

Now it's time to pack up for vacation - will I ever be able to put the suitcases away??

How I Became a Toddler Wrangler and Other Good Excuses for Being Late to Work

G had a very important meeting this morning. So important, in fact, that he failed to mention it until he was halfway out the door an hour early. This meant I was responsible for P this morning - the changing of the diaper, the dressing in the clothes, the feeding of the breakfast, and the getting to school.

Of course, P didn't want to to wear a new diaper, get dressed, eat, or go to school. And it was raining - a lot. So, we were running late.

When we arrived at school (at the time I should have been getting to my parking garage), I noticed towels stuck under the back door of daycare. Not unusual considering the amount of precipitation we've had (and the fact that we've had to pump water out of our crawlspace). What was strange was that the door to his classroom - and the room across the hall - was propped open.

Kids were still consolidated in the Ferret room, but as soon as we entered P's Peacock room to remove his coat, his classmates started coming into the room via the Jack-and-Jill bathroom connecting Ferrets to Peacocks (who, I dare ask, names these rooms?)

P's classmates entered the room and noticed the door propped open - enter chaos. Maya took off out the door. Zach yelled, "Escape!" Soon, 12 toddlers were on the loose (but not P. He stayed in the room. Good boy!)

Head Teacher stayed to keep P in the room. Afternoon teacher (why was she there in the morning? I don't know, but I'm still mad at her) took off down the main hall, and I ran down the smaller hallway. The kids were giggly - and fast - and didn't want to go back to the classroom. I cornered Conner, but he had a runny nose (and I didn't want to touch him - I don't do other people's snot). He got away, only to be captured by another teacher. I caught JM, who was laughing hysterically, and handed him to the Director (who came out of her office to see what the commotion was about). I chased Donovan, who was yelling, "no, no, no!", picked him up, and took him down to the Peacock room. I didn't notice any other kids in my hallway.

After a quick headcount, I left.

Of course, no one noticed I was late to work, and given the torrential downpour I doubt anyone cared, but I was really looking forward to explaining my new found talent of "toddler wrangling" - unless said toddlers have runny noses, then they're on their own.

Because a Trained Monkey Would be Better than Afternoon Teacher

P attends a very reputable daycare. It's a chain, but a very top-tier, well-respected one. He's doing well since we made the transition more than a year ago. His development - verbally, socially, mentally, physically, etc - is terrific. But, I'm starting to have a problem with the care side of things.

The head teacher in the Playful Peacock room is exceptional. The afternoon teacher, however, leaves a lot to be desired. While the head teacher engages the kids, asks questions, and seems like she genuinely enjoys her job, the afternoon teacher is quiet. Really quiet. G doesn't like afternoon teacher.at.all.

I really didn't have a problem until recently. My complaints (all of which have happened after head teacher leaves for the day and afternoon teacher is in charge):

• P's security blanket disappeared. I might be a rookie mom, but I'm no fool. I had a spare, identical "blankie" at home, but with the primary one gone, we're done to just the one. No one knows where it went.
• P came home covered in red permanent ink - on picture day. Sent him to school dressed in "picture clothes" (really, a polo shirt and khakis I bought the day before for our upcoming vacation). Picked him up and he was covered from the collar of his shirt to the soles of his socks (seriously, the bottoms of his socks) in red ink. I've washed the outfit six times now. The ink is permanent. Who gives 2.5 year olds PERMANENT ink? On picture day? When the kids are dressed up? Oh, I know - afternoon teacher.
• P has had Pull-up wedgies for weeks. The afternoon teacher refuses to pull up the Pull-ups. She opens the sides, puts them on, and tries to reseal the sides. In all of P's activity, the sides split, causing the back half of the Pull-up to get wedged in his little tush. Not only does this look uncomfortable, but it causes accidents. Major accidents.
• Accidents like the one yesterday. I picked P up and found him wearing his paint shirt (yes, he has one of my old t-shirts for painting - yet another reason I was ticked about the ink thing). G dropped off a change of clothes on Monday, but instead, afternoon teacher choose to put P in a men's medium t-shirt because of a blow-out. I couldn't find P's change of clothes in his cubby, and when I asked P if he had a change of clothes he responded that afternoon teacher "threw them in the garbage."

I'm willing to let a lot go - hell, I couldn't handle a classroom of a dozen 2.5 year olds. But, I'm reaching a boiling point with all the stuff that's happened over the last month or so. I talked to head teacher this morning, who appeared very concerned about the ink problem, wedgies, and paint shirt situations. Turns out, head teacher didn't realize any of that happened (she knew about the blankie). She promised to talk to afternoon teacher.

I can only hope afternoon teacher gets better - or leaves - or P gets potty trained so he can move up to the Happy Hummingbird class. With the state of potty training, I'll be lucky if one of the first two scenarios happens.

Note: Hey, if you received an e-invitation to a grand opening event from me and I recalled it, but you read it anyway, I'm mort.i.fied that I had a typo in the invitation. I fixed it as soon as I discovered it and resent the email. Don't hold that one typo against me - I really want you to come - you'll have fun, I promise!

How to Make an Impression in a Client Meeting

Scene: Client meeting in Dallas. Room full of old, grey-haired, white men. Main client setting up an ice breaker game - it's one of those "interview the person next to you so you can introduce that person to the rest of the group" kind of things. Our main interview question: If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be and why.

My partner and I were toward the end of the room, so we sat through about 30 other "introductions." Everyone had really "smart" answers like Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Jesus...

My answer: Britney Spears. Reason: I want to knock some sense into her.

Unfortunately, I don't think my old, grey-haired, white man knew who Brit-Brit is. As he introduced me to the group, revealing my dinner guest, he left it with, "Jilt would like to eat dinner with Britney Spears..."

The end. That was it. So, I stood up and said, "Well, you have to tell them why..."

Unfortunately, time was up, so in a room full of pseudo-intellectual dream dinner guests, I was left hanging in the wind with my Britney response. Great way to make a first impression.

God, I hate icebreakers!

Cruisin' Down the Highway in this Big Ol' Cadillac and It's So Hard..."

Originally written late Monday night, but stupid Blogger wouldn't allow me to upload...

So, I'm on my way to KC for meetings tomorrow. What can go wrong? Let me count the ways:

1) Elevators broken. Must treck down 20 flights of stairs. Carrying luggage. And my laptop bag. While wearing a wool coat, wool sweater, and cute lil' heels. (UPDATED: two days later, can barely walk.)

2) Ice storm turn a four hour drive into an eight hour one.

3) Rental car (a big, ol' red Caddy 'cause I'm apparently 80 years old, or a "Baptist preacher's wife," according to my colleague and travel companion) comes without window washer fluid. Buy some. Go through an entire gallon on the drive.

4) Massive windshield on said red Caddy will. not. stay. defrosted. Try everything. Only effective thing is to have the heat on 80 degrees and the windows opened.

5) Solution to the windshield icing problem results in a smiley faced crack across the front windshield. Nice.

Thank goodness this is the last trip for a few weeks. Travel resumes in March!

50 bonus points to the person who can name the movie on which the title of this post is based.

Who do you know?

Need some help here, my dear e-friends:

Do you live in any of the following cities or general area - or know a blogger (preferably someone with kids) who does?

• Cincinnati
• Portland/Seattle/Pacific Northwest
• Dallas
• Kansas City
• Grand Rapids/Flint/Saginaw/Detroit
• Sandusky
• Williamsburg

Thanks!

On the Road Again...

Another week, another business trip. This time I'm in Ohio visiting two different properties owned/operated by a h0tel client. Only four more weeks of this!

You know, I'm pretty satisfied, sitting here, on a comfy king-sized bed with SIX pillows (which I'll have all to myself tonight - hello, sleeping at an angle!), fire crackling in the fireplace (it's electric, but I'll take it), and next to a HUGE two person Jaccuzi tub.

Pros of business trips:

- I don't have to cut up someone's food, fill a glass of milk, clean up spilled ketchup, or listen to someone saying "I don't wike it!" and pushing the plate away. Oh yeah, I also get to eat a hot meal because I'm not handling any of the above.

- I can consume adult beverages without concern over who will drive Pumpkin to the hospital if there's an emergency. Seriously, the reason I rarely drink anymore is because I'm concerned that something will happen and I won't be able to get my child to the emergency room.

- It's two hours past Pumpkin's bedtime and he's.still.awake. Totally refusing to go to sleep.

- I can fucking curse without worrying about who the hell will hear me. Dammit!

- ESPN is not on this TV. No sports. No problem!

Cons of business trips:

- Who else can I convince to wear matching outfits? Case in point:

Our holiday photo. G swears we'll never wear the sweaters at the same time again. Whatever!

Tell me, am I the only one who (sometimes, somewhat) enjoys a little time away?

Probably the Worst Location for a Business Trip

I'm in the process of visiting all the properties owned by a new client. Last week was Dallas; tomorrow I leave for the Poconos; next week Cleveland and Mason, Ohio. Travel goes on through early March.

Tonight I told Pumpkin where I was going and asked him to repeat it. "Pick-a-nose," he answered proudly.

Yep, lucky me, tomorrow I go to Pick-a-nose, Pennsylvania. Jealous?